of faint dreams and hopes (from my multiply site: kawaiiboi.multiply.com)

i gambled when i went to China. quit my job. left my friends. my family. him. my entire life.
i didn't know what's in store for me, though i hoped it's gonna be the same old - same old peaches and creams story. but it wasn't. i thought i was prepared, bagging as much ammo's as i could've carried. i was mistaken.

i'm a bum here more than ever. notwithstanding the dreams and hopes people bore on my shoulders. in my head, a bellowing voice keeps rustling "I'm a Loser. I'm a Failure" .. i know i am. not that i wanted to be, but circumstances ... they made me one.

now, everything seems like a hazy hazy blur. frustrations run deep as i thought i was giving things my best shot. i am at a loss. i am confused. to say the least, ashamed that i must have to be interrogated as to why i didn't make it when all the best plans seemed to have been laid out for me.

you ask me what am i doing next? i don't know.
and in truth, i don't care.

what matters now is that i TRY to remain sane despite the hard blows. i guess that's the only thing i have left. a faint light in my grasp that assures me soon enough, hopefully, things will be better. cause if they don't, nothing will...

*****

Reviewing this blog entry made me realize that I'm losing my path again. I've enjoyed my stay here in my home country after missing it so much that again, I'm at a loss. I'm thankful to blogs... they put me back on track.

;p

Food Trip - the UBelt Way

After claiming Lee's free Adidas merchandise at the Podium yesterday, we decided to have a feast. Nope, we didn't splurge on the restos along the Ortigas strip. Instead, we found ourselves inside a Quiapo bound FX, trying to get to Recto as fast as we can.

Passing by the hawkers at the back of St. Francis Square, Lee and myself got enamored with the mixture of sweet, salty, spicy smell of the Hong Kong noodles being peddled. But because there was nowhere to sit and enjoy the dish we're about to devour, we decided to hit home. Upon reaching Pureza in Sta. Mesa, I told Lee I can't get the frustration out of my head. And so, we alighted in Recto and found ourselves trekking the dim streets, looking for things that'll satiate our senses.

And again, U - belt didn't fail us. We feasted on fried calamares, kikiam, fish balls, sliced hotdogs, bbq and everything else dipped in vinegar. If not for our bursting seams, we might've continued feasting. Unfortunately, we won't be able to hold it longer had we continued. We decided to wash up the indigestion with a bottle of Sparkle. And what made it one of the best feasts ever? The total amount of the feast is a little less than 200 php! Ain't that sweet?

It's always fun to treat ourselves with a little something every now and then. Especially if that something means satisfying our mainly earthly desires.
;p

Roland's Dilemma

My boss Roland's church will celebrate their anniversary tomorrow. In line with that, most of his family members must be in attendance to the preparations. From his in-laws to his wife, they have to extend a hand to make the event a rousing success. Aside from the usual lunch out, the talented members of their church will hold a fund - raising concert. Roland will be one of the performers.

But his dilemma is not over food or on rehearsals, instead, it's about his kids. No one will look after them while everyone's busy as a bee.

Oh well, I suggested for them to be brought here in the office today. Me and my big mouth. And Roland's dilemma became mine. Why? I was tasked to look after the kids.

Tee hee. Funny.
;p

Dream Puffs Cream Puffs (by Monde)

Cream puffs. Yum!

I first had a taste of these heavenly pastries when Carl's Jr. still offered them. Whenever I crave, I'd sweet talk my mom into buying a box for me. Unfortunately, the product didn't last in the market. After a few short months of enjoying the sumptuous, crusty, cream - filled treat, it all just ended. Carl's stopped selling them. Oh well, move on. I found myself going all the way to Dapitan in Sampaloc because an officemate once brought a boxful of cream puffs from the local Tinapayan sa Dapitan near UST. Yum yum! But because of the lazy bone in me, plus the heavy traffic that drains all my energy and enthusiasm, I decided to let go of puff heaven.

Up until I bumped into a box of Monde Cream Puffs in 7'11. Boy, I was in for a surprise!

The box, which contains mini cream puffs, is surprisingly priced at 12 php each. Though it lacks the caramel glaze that drips like lava in the Carl's and Tinapayan puffs, it still has the distinct taste which makes it quite a giveaway. The puffs are so "conveniently" small that you can just pop them in your mouth whenever and wherever you want 'em.

Indeed, I'm glad the puffs are back, dreamy as ever.

;P

finding Eden

Famous for being the setting of the Genesis story, Eden has always been a perfect garden for me. Sprawling with acres of greenery, the garden in my mind is busy with life. Adam and Eve found their solace in this mysterious and unravelled place. And so, I made a childish vow that if and when I have the time, I'll search for Eden.

Having been busy with the corporate life I'm in, I forgot about Eden. I have lived a routinely life for the past years - wake up in the morning, grab my usual cup of coffee, work 9 hours in the office, go home, sleep. I didn't have much time to dream, to imagine, to play up until I bumped into a nice lady in the office. Do you believe in love at first sight? Like you've laid your eyes on the person for the first time yet it felt like you've known her all your life? That's exactly what happened when I met her. And her name is, well, Eden.

I guess I didn't have to travel far and wide to look for Eden. I found her in the busiest days of my life. Indeed, Eden is a solace. My solace. When times are draining and I need a good laugh, I know I can count on her to brighten up my day. I didn't need a garden teeming with Flora and Fauna because my Eden is enough. Enough to keep me sane and grounded.

I'm glad I found Eden. More than that, I'm glad I found a friend in her.

yes. no. wait.

I just want to share a simple philosophy here.

Often, we stress out over life's nuisances. We aspire for things but don't get them. We pray but we're unanswered. We toil, work, move yet we remain where we are. It hurts. It's stabbing. More so, we want to give up. Actually, there were lots of times that we did give up. But sometimes, its pretty tiring giving up. What do we do? We give up giving up.

A friend said that whenever we ask something, we get a response in 3 ways: yes, no, wait. Yes if its the right thing for us. No of course if it isn't. And wait, which is the hardest to accept, is when it isn't the perfect timing YET. I know it may sound cliche but we often preempt things. We feel we are deprived but in truth, we're just being impatient. As they say, patience is a virtue. Really, it is. A virtue that most of us lack.

I would be a hypocrite if I'd say I've mastered this philosophy. I haven't. It'll take me a long while to do so. But along the road, through the roughness and weariness of the times, I tell myself:

"I'm too blessed to be stressed. I'm too annointed to be disappointed."

Carnival - Quezon Memorial Circle

I thought that the Paskong Pasiklab sa QC, a yearly carnival held outside the UP grounds in Diliman is history when the lot it has always occupied had been turned into a call center compound. My siblings and I used to frequent the said carnival as it is near our place compared to the Star City in Pasay and the Enchanted Kingdom in Sta. Rosa. Gladly, QC officials leased the spare lot inside the Quezon City Memorial Circle so that the operators can continue the tradition.

The rates have changed understandably. For a 40php entrance fee, you can explore the fair grounds and sample it's games, arcades and food kiosks. This year, a motor show similar to the daredevils of India is showcased. Also, additional rides and ammenities have been put up. Notable of which is the cable car which is a first if I may say in the Philippines. Of course, I wouldn't let the chance to just pass me by. In minutes, I was king of the world. I was on suspended in mid - air, enjoying the sights and the cold wind that brushed my senses. But unlike the more popular amusement parks in the country, the carnival doesn't have a ride all you can tag. You have to pay 30 - 50 php per ride (which is actually cheap). For a go on these rides, you wouldn't mind doling out the amount.

Again, thanks to the QC officials, we can continue the tradition.
;)

the starbucks planner journey

my good friend Lee never misses out on her quest to get the Starbucks planner yearly. it's like an undying devotion that she religiously follows. unfortunately last 2008, she wasn't able to complete the stickers that was supposed to lead her to the planner glory. this 2009 though, she's more determined than ever and as of this writing, only 2 stickers are missing.

as if it's a matter of life and death (well for Lee i guess it is), we reminisced last year's event which led Lee into not getting the coveted planner. and yeah, we realized we got too busy with work and got easy because we know that Starbucks extends the deadline for it. realizing the cause of the flow, Lee has been more determined than ever. and with the look on her face today, i know not getting the 2009 planner is next to impossible.

tomorrow at 6am, Lee plans to go to the adjacent Starbucks branch in our office. she'll complete the required number of stickers and of course grab a cupful of coffee bliss. knowing the number of stickers she's missing, she'll of course order 2.. and whoelse do you think she'll share it with? haha you got that right!

all i can say is, i can't wait for my frap tomorrow. thanks Lee!

;p

shoo spirit shoo

warding off evil spirits is one of the reasons why we dole out money to buy fireworks and blast them. as the clock strikes 12 mn on new year's eve, the loudest and brightest fireworks and crackers reign. as a result, smoke fills the air and our eardrums, blasted as well. good thing, my mom walked past a few vendors earlier in the day. they peddle their own ware of spirit warders - the infamous torotot.

i can't really call the torotot as a musical instrument as it doesn't produce music. well, if you're into pitchy noise, the thing's for you. good thing though, amidst the danger posed by fireworks on new year's eve, on our hands is the ever safe and reliable torotot.

i know it can't compare to the piccolos and sawas and judas' belts and the crying cow but at least we know we have something to ward off evil. the torotot may not look as mighty as the lighted lusis of our times but hey, at least it's so handy without fear of accidents!