of faint dreams and hopes (from my multiply site: kawaiiboi.multiply.com)

i gambled when i went to China. quit my job. left my friends. my family. him. my entire life.
i didn't know what's in store for me, though i hoped it's gonna be the same old - same old peaches and creams story. but it wasn't. i thought i was prepared, bagging as much ammo's as i could've carried. i was mistaken.

i'm a bum here more than ever. notwithstanding the dreams and hopes people bore on my shoulders. in my head, a bellowing voice keeps rustling "I'm a Loser. I'm a Failure" .. i know i am. not that i wanted to be, but circumstances ... they made me one.

now, everything seems like a hazy hazy blur. frustrations run deep as i thought i was giving things my best shot. i am at a loss. i am confused. to say the least, ashamed that i must have to be interrogated as to why i didn't make it when all the best plans seemed to have been laid out for me.

you ask me what am i doing next? i don't know.
and in truth, i don't care.

what matters now is that i TRY to remain sane despite the hard blows. i guess that's the only thing i have left. a faint light in my grasp that assures me soon enough, hopefully, things will be better. cause if they don't, nothing will...

*****

Reviewing this blog entry made me realize that I'm losing my path again. I've enjoyed my stay here in my home country after missing it so much that again, I'm at a loss. I'm thankful to blogs... they put me back on track.

;p